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Sunday, 29 April 2018

Should You Give Your Teenage Daughter A Vibrator?

I don’t really watch daytime television, so I’m not up to date on the current issues that Phil & Holly, or The Loose Women bring to our screens every weekday. However sometimes, snippets of This Morning will filter in to my Facebook newsfeed, and on one morning in particular this week I watched an interesting clip about a sex expert suggesting teenage girls be given sex toys by their parents. 

We’re all adults here, yes? We can talk about this stuff? 
Good! Because, like always, I have an opinion. 

First of all, let’s stop waving our dildos in the air for a minute and calm the fuck down. We need to strip this back to basics and look at why this is even an issue in the first place. 

Because even in 2018, the behaviour expected from our children is completely and utterly directed by gender differences. And I’m not even talking about the clothes we put them in and the toys we steer them towards (although obviously this plays a factor). I’m talking about the scripts we follow within society and how we push them upon our children.

We chastise our daughters for ‘behaving like a boy’ and we ridicule our sons for ‘acting like a girl.’
Even if as parents we avoid this shit, we’re still surrounded by a society who doesn’t. 

As a parent to a boy who had long hair I’m no stranger to random comments in the supermarket about how "he needs a haircut because he looks like a girl" or how "he would look like such a big boy if his hair was shorter"
Peers of the same age make comments about "crying like a girl,” and we wonder why boys grow in to men who can’t express their emotions and repress their feelings. 

My daughter, who likes to throw a good left hook, will probably soon be subjected to comments about how "ladies don’t hit" and how they should “pick up flowers, not snails.”

Even at the age of 34 I’ve been referred to as a "ladette." I drink pints, I swear. Sometimes I even scratch my arse in public! These behaviours don’t fall in line with what a ‘girl should do,’ and therefore society created an entire new identity for women who act like men, instead of seeing our behaviour for what it is. Women who act like whoever we are and don’t conform to the bullshit.

Females are painted as delicate flowers who need to be respected and looked after, however, parents who are too afraid to talk to their children about sex are happy for them to become teens and refer to porn which shows these delicate flowers being pounded like a piece of meat. And boys think the girls enjoy it. 

Which brings us to the topic in question. 
It’s expected of boys to masturbate. They’re doing ‘what boys do!’ It’s openly discussed between 15 year old lads in the classroom. I remember! But heaven forbid a female should state she did the same! Shock horror! What a dirty slut! She’d be ridiculed. 
Doesn’t this girl know that her only part to play in sex is to be pummelled, and moan at the right times, for a mans pleasure?

You can’t expect a female to be repressed by following society’s expectations of ‘girls’ and then hand her a dildo at age 14 and say "I’m sorry you’ve been moulded and shaped by society, but here’s a sex toy to make up for it."

What. The. Fuck.

Until we allow our children to be who they are, regardless of the genitals they were born with then this shit is not going to work. It’s quite frankly, ridiculous. 
Our daughters are taught to refer to their period as a ‘star week’ and squirm with mortification in a public toilet at the thought of someone hearing a sanitary towel being changed. Imagine their face when you pass them a rampant rabbit over the dining table, after they’ve eaten their evening meal like a ‘lady’ whilst their brother scoffs his with one hand down his pants for good measure. But it’s ok! He’s a boy!

Ok, I know I’m over exaggerating. But you get my point, yes? 

So quit the bullshit, let our children be who they are. Talk to them. Educate them. It’s life. 

And here’s news. Like your sons, your daughters will discover their genitals wayyyy before they hit their teens. Probably before they even say their first word. They’re not born repressed or afraid of their bodies.


That’s something they learn. 


Saturday, 24 March 2018

Gandey’s Circus


Goodbye scary ass clowns throwing cream pies at eachother and HELLO to pecks and pelvic thrusts! 
Mums! You won’t be disappointed! (Hubba Hubba)

Even the spinning, flashing light that my six year old forced me to buy couldn’t distract me from the sensational view! 

I must admit, I spent the first half an hour of the show dreading the point where the clowns would appear, but for those with coulrophobia, you’ll be happy to know that the only clown that appears in Gandey’s circus is female, and she’s super hot and absolutely hilarious (they had to entertain the Dads too if only to divert the attention from the drooling females recovering from the topless trapeze act.)
Dads be warned! She’s marvellous, but she WILL get you up and involved, and may choose a few of you to keep coming back to throughout the show (particularly if you’re seated facing the ring).

It’s really hard to review the show without giving too much away, but for me, I was blown away and almost sent in to cardiac arrest by the high wire act. 
I now know that finding your two year old balancing on top of your kitchen counter isn’t half as distressing as watching a grown man ride a bike over a tightrope in the air without a safety net. Mama needed a Gin after that one without a shadow of a doubt, let me tell you! 

My six year old was fascinated by the juggling act. He actually stopped stuffing popcorn in his mouth for at least a minute throughout that particular act. I’m thinking of asking the guy if he’s available for personal shows in my lounge so it might actually be possible to take a bath in peace. Yes, he was THAT good! 

On a serious note, the whole show was amazingly entertaining, fun and professional. The talent amongst the entire cast/crew, from the dancers to the RingMaster was exceptional, and you can see how hard they work and how passionate they are. 
I think it’s also important to note that no animals were used throughout the show either. 

By the time the interval came around I think it’s safe to say that both mother and son were ready to run off with the circus (although I will
admit, this was probably for very different reasons)

If Gandey’s is touring near you then this show is an absolute MUST. Let’s all run off to the circus together! 

*A massive thankyou to Gandey’s Circus for inviting us along to watch the show. I received free tickets in exchange for a review but all my thoughts and opinions are my own 





Friday, 12 January 2018

All The Single Mummy’s 


The ‘Single Mother’ conversation seems to have resurfaced of late, along with the charming video of David Cameron making a speech after the Looting took place a few years back where he stated that he doubted the looters “had Fathers at home”
To be fair David, it’s a tough call to decide whether you’d rather have a child from a single family who loots, or a child from an ‘unbroken middle class family’ who fucks pigs.
Anyway..I digress.
Let’s ignore the sexist idea that children need a father at home to instill discipline & morals. The idea is ludicrous and really doesn’t deserve acknowledgement.
Instead, let’s look at the idea that single mothers are ‘bad mothers.’
Despite being a single mother myself, I just can’t take offence to this ideology. Mainly because becoming single hasn’t made me a bad mother. It’s made me a better one. A happier one.

Yes, I may be alone. But I’m no longer lonely.

My children are no longer surrounded by a mother who is snappy and irritable because she’s miserable.

I have less time but somehow more than ever. Time to just listen.

Instead of a snoring man in my bed I have two cosy, chubby cheeked minis crawling in with me in the middle of the night

The bond with my children is stronger than its ever been.

I’m less stressed. Probably because I now only have to raise the children that grew in my womb rather than a fully grown one that didn’t
Burn.

I just don’t get this idea of ‘Single Mum, Bad Mum’
I’m absolutely killing it as a parent.

Yes, I’m juggling 5 million things at once and my life is chocolate and snot stained chaos. But the same can be said for ALL Mums! Not just the singletons!
We all second guess ourselves, feel the guilt, roll our eyes silently at yet another tantrum.

But I parent no differently now than I ever did before.

I don’t fit the ‘Stereotype’ and if you look closely I doubt any of us do.

The very fact that when a family breaks up it’s the single mother who is blamed for the way their children turn out speaks volumes. We’re here, holding the fort! As per fucking usual! Single or NOT!

Which particular single mother are we discussing here?

The ones who ended up here by chance?
The ones who planned to raise children alone?
The widower?
The young mother who wasn’t quite ready?

Let’s face it. We’re all in the same boat but with very different journeys.

You can be a bad parent as a single mother. You can be a bad parent when not.

But most of us fucking rule! With men or without!

And all our children have every chance of conquering this world.

So to EVERY mother out there. Keep on keeping on! You’re doing a marvellous job