You have now been my Mummy for four years and one month. However, it appears that despite this length of time (which I deem to be an apt number of years for you to have perfected your skills to a satisfactory level), there are still some elements of your role that you are distinctly under achieving in. Let me give you a few examples:
It appears that no matter what method of communication I use, you simply refuse to accept the fact that I do not like vegetables. I have tried pushing my plate off the table, spitting the food out, screaming that "I don't like it" and transferring said vegetables on to your dinner plate. In spite of this you continue to present me with vegetables and have even had the audacity at times to hide it within other foods that I do like, hence ruining the entire meal. This behaviour needs to stop. Immediately.
I am unimpressed that you seem to have the idea in your head that I am ready to go to bed at 7:30pm. This time is just not ideal for me. I have many things to do during the day, such as play with toys, eat sweets and download apps on the iPad, and I do not appreciate being swept away from these important tasks at a time which is only convenient for you. From now on I would prefer it if you allowed me to continue with my important jobs until I simply cannot keep my eyes open, at which point you should carry me upstairs and lay me comfortably in your bed. That's your bed, not mine.
You are spending far too much time at work. For the first year of my life you gave false ideas about your commitment to me. You spent every day with me and jumped to my every demand. Now it appears that you only have time for a mere 3 days a week with me, and this is simply not good enough. You need to prioritise and accept the fact that I come first and when I ask you not to go to work, you should stay at home. Please ensure you do this from now on.
What can I say. I'm just not happy about this "school" thing you've been talking about recently. From what you say it would appear I have to go here five days a week. Not only this but you've stated I am to wear some sort of uniform! You know perfectly well that I like wearing my Buzz Lightyear T-shirt and to tell me that I can now only wear this at weekends is just bordering on cruelty. Similar to the points I made regarding bedtime, I have many jobs to do, and this "school" place will interfere enormously with that. I suppose you're happy about this "school" as it means you will be able to go to work all the time and neglect my needs. Well let me assure you, this is unacceptable. And I won't be going.
In all other areas you appear to be meeting my needs to an acceptable standard, although this doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement. I'd appreciate it if you would take note of the above points and rectify them immediately.
4 Year Old